viernes, 12 de abril de 2013

I knew I had to write


Everything´s changing. Childhood now seems a distant past.  Days, weeks, months and years pass by and we don’t even notice how everything changes so fast that we constantly lose track.

Looking back 17 years ago, I was so carefree and never in a hurry. Never a thing to be preoccupied with. Gone are the days when we can go out and play with our neighbors - our childhood friends. Play marbles, shatongpog and tex in our backyard. Build tree houses. Climb mango, mulberry and guava trees. Sneak off during midday naps just to wake up your playmate and drag him to the nearest park to play. Stay at a rich neighbor´s house playing the family computer version of Super Mario trying to get hundred lives in stage 3-1 and finish World 8 until your dad fetches you and say it´s time for lunch or dinner. Or, go out and play hide and seek whenever the electricity went out. I miss that.

About 12 years ago happened some of the best years of my teen life. Also one of the difficult ones. It's not that I was forced by my parents to do well in high school but it was more of self and social torture. The pressure was on me since my mom teaches at the same university where I was studying and dad knew a lot of people. Teachers also expected a lot from me because they knew my parents – especially my mom. They see her as one of those respectable and reliable teachers and comparison is really getting in the way. Next thing I knew, mom was teaching statistics in my high school (yes we had a separate Statistics subject back then) and had to be my teacher. Great. As if I could do anything about that then. So life went on. Mom really did a great job teaching statistics, very professional. Never a chance did she showed favoritism nor any sign inside the classroom that I was her daughter. That´s why I really idolize her. High school days were fun and I was a bit of an adventurer. I tried to cut class with a friend named Ces after our Biology subject and my mom knew about it the instance the next subject started. Biology was my favorite subject and the subject after was just plain boring I can’t even remember which. Haha! It was back then that I first fell in love (or I thought I did). I had my gang of friends. I was respected. I had a place there. I learned a lot from the friends I had and everything was perfect. I miss that.

It was 10 years ago when I had to enter college. A bit scared I was, but I did okay. That was year 2003 and guess what. My ID number was 2003-0001. First in line during the enrollment. I promised myself to do my best and not to drop a single subject and didn´t. Luckily, I passed them all. Yes, even Integral and Differential Calculus! Teachers often told me I can do better but then I did not study that hard. I was tamad – bigtime! Biology was still my favorite subject. That was the time I travelled most. I learned to drive a motorbike because my boyfriend at that time had one and I got tired of always being the angkas. My landlady´s son, kuya James also taught me how to drive a car and helped me get a driving license. Hurrah! But then, I don’t have my own car.

          “Gusto ko matutong magdriveeee…. Kahit na wala akong kotse…”

My feet were always itchy and a month wasn’t complete without going to a new place. From secret trips to Manila, Pampanga, Tarlac, Tagaytay, Cavite, Laguna, Aurora, Nueva Vizcaya, Baguio, Benguet, Cabanatuan, Pantabangan and the rest of Central Luzon. It was not enough. I wanted to travel farther north or south. Travel bug bit me but alas! I only had a limited allowance and a possible source of income like tutoring was not a plausible answer to my thirst. Our organization, Chemical Society, gave free tutorial back then and did help a lot of struggling students in both Math, Chemistry, Physics, etc. It was always a good thing to help schoolmates. So I set aside the travel part and life continued. I miss that.

The very day I graduated, I decided that I wanted to finally fly away. With my aunt’s encouragement and my parents’ blessings, I went to Manila and worked while I studied Spanish – that was 6 years ago. I met new people again. I met many, yes, but only a few came to be those real keepers and I miss that.

How time flew.

3:44 pm. 4/12/2013. Timecheck. I look around and find myself seated in a Spanish chair, in a Spanish surrounding (Catalan surroundings, okay) in a state where catching up is a constant struggle. I just heard an OPM song we used to sing and flashbacks came rushing sporadically in my mind and I had to write it down. I know I had to write it down. It has this nostalgic effect on me. (While listening to Eraserheads) It gets stronger – this longing. Now, even more that I succeeded to fly away to study and live in a foreign country. It has been 3 years and 7 months that I have not seen, touched and tasted home. I always get excited with the thought of flying back – making plans in my mind. 3 years and 7 months is a lot and I always wonder how everything is back there.

Home – have you changed a lot? I hope to see you soon. I miss you.